Friday, November 21, 2008

A Fork in the Road

Tonight on the x90 bus ride home I sit up in the very front seat by the driver because I have to get off at the first stop to run an errand. The afternoon bus driver is always a very chatty guy and although I am not really the type that randomly talks to everyone somehow we get into a discussion about the economy.


All of a sudden someone on the bus shouts “Where are you going!” There is a fork in the West Side Highway right after we leave the World Financial Center- one way goes down into the rest of financial district and one that leads into the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel. The driver who I guess had been distracted by our conversation was starting to go into the tunnel! He slams on his breaks.


OH SH*T! He squeals. The look on his face is pure panic. The bus is now completely stopped in middle of the road, cars whizzing all around us. I can tell the bus driver realizes he is completely screwed. This is a big deal. It is not like he could just keep going and then turn around somewhere. The tunnel will take you all the way under the river deep into the depths of Brooklyn. It would take forever to go all the way through, then try to get back into Manhattan. Plus the Financial Center is the very first pick-up, there are still all the people waiting at the rest of the financial district stops. The whole schedule of x90 buses now would be completely messed up.


The driver decides there is no way he can go into that tunnel. He suddenly takes a leap of faith and does something none of us expect. He starts to drive up onto the median to try to return back to the right side of the road. Only it is not just one of those sidewalk medians- it is like a really big cobblestone median with plants and such that is at least a foot off the ground.


Of course the bus does not clear this easily and it gets stuck. Everyone on the bus gasps as horrible noises ensue from underneath and the bus lists dangerously to the side. I throw myself flat on my seat thinking that the bus is going to flip over and we are going to be pancaked all over the West Side highway.


And then…..he makes it over. The bus finally clears the giant median and we are once again on steady asphalt and heading the right direction into the financial district. I am sure the bus is not okay but we are.


The driver is visibly shaken up.

I can’t believe I did that. I even took a two hour nap today. Man oh man.


He is muttering under his breath. I see the look of despair on his face and feel it in the pit of my stomach. I want to say to him “ It’s okay I mess up real bad in my job every day too.” But since I feel like the whole fiasco was partially my fault I keep my mouth shut and don’t say anything. There is nothing to say.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

$$$$

Today on my way out of the office I take a shortcut through an unmarked alley in the financial district to get to the Wall Street stop. Out of the corner of my eye I spy something magnificent on the sidewalk- cash!! On the ground! And not just a single- it was a ten! Faster than you can blink I swoop down and snatch it up. Never mind the kinds of germs and nastiness of something picked up off the street in Manhattan. This is the recession baby!

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Mysterious Stain

This afternoon I face a dilemma on the subway. I have both my large purse and my laptop weighing down on my shoulders and notice one seat open on the 5 train. Just one. As I dash my way over something makes me stop short. Directly under the seat is an ambiguous large sticky spot/puddle. In order to squeeze my way onto the seat my feet would have to directly straddle the stain. Just how bad do I want to that seat? Pretty bad. However, I do know never to trust anything remotely stain-like in a subway car. I decide to take a risk and go for it. The woman standing across from me gives a skeptical “You are much braver than I“ look. I bury my face into my jacket just in case the stain had a smell. Now that would just make things much worse and probably would be a deciding factor against sitting down.


As with many things on the subway, I just would rather not know.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ken

This afternoon I immediately notice a certain man on the six train. He is dressed for success in a crisp navy Hugo Boss suit with silver cuff links and a daringly bright pink tie. His hair is a wavy but short golden blond (very shiny) and his skin (also very shiny) is tanned like he just got back from Grand Bahama. I keep staring at him as I feel like I recognize him from somewhere. Is he somebody famous? A sitcom actor? Maybe a politician? I am notoriously bad at identifying celebrities on the street.

I think long and hard as the train barrels through the various stations on my way home. The man doesn’t notice me staring; all he is focusing on is not making eye contact with the two homeless guys belting out show tunes (quite well I might add) for handouts in the middle of the car.

I ponder him as I run my fingers over and over the “100% Cashmere” scarf I had just bought for $5.00 from a street vendor minutes before. I know I have seen this man before. It is not until he gets off at 59th street that I get it. KEN! As in Barbie and Ken! If the Ken doll was human he would look EXACTLY like this man. A precise personification. If I could revert magically back to my eight-year old self I'm sure I probably would’ve peed myself with excitement.

Now tomorrow I will just need to find his Barbie.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Emergency Brake

Today I am on the 6 train when someone pulls the emergency brake. Let me start off by saying I do not know how you actually even pull the emergency brake. It must be some lever or button I sure have never noticed before. According to some of my coworkers though who have been born and raised here, pulling the e-brake used to apparently a lot easier to do.


Anyways we are speeding along our merry way and suddenly the whole car shudders violently and lurches forward. The car only being moderately crowded, everyone goes flying forward. Bodies in wool business coats, briefcases, everything goes sprawling. There is a big unsettling thud on the tracks below us.


A muffled chorus rings out as everyone starts mumbling apologies to those around them for accidentally body slamming each other. Five minutes pass as people continue to brush themselves off and look about. Then the train starts again, without incident. I actually was very surprised how short we were stopped for. For all of the millions of times I have been delayed on the subway for seemingly no reason, something actually happens and finally things are handled efficiently.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Glam in Boots

This afternoon a very glittering Boy George-type young man is sitting across from me on the 6. I study him all the way from 14th street until 59th. He is wearing chunky very high suede boots with silky fur trim and a black and silver studded belt keeps his distressed dark denim skinny jeans from hanging of his bony backside. He has a spiky gelled hair that is just a little bit Mohawk and giant silver sparkly flower stud earrings. His loose fitting long sleeve black v-neck is very chic. He is one of those people you cannot tell how old they are. He could be 19, he could be 35. Who knows. As he gets off at his stop he sees me staring and winks.

Good bye my glamorous lady-boy.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Untitled

Today in the afternoon rush the crowd waiting for the subway at Wall Street is several people deep as the train is running slow. It is obvious as the train finally pulls into the station that not everyone can get on. As people jostle for position a women with a small child desperately tries to get in front of the pack. Her success is brief as once the doors open she still cannot manage to get into the car. She is fights with a business man’s giant gym bag, embroidered with the name of his investment bank. When she is defeated she yanks her kid back onto the platform and begins a tirade about how the world is unfair to blacks and Hispanics to all us unlucky enough not make it into the packed car.


And so it goes

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Halloween

Though most of my blog entries are in the present day, I am going out on a limb and writing about Halloween which obviously was a few days ago. So rewind a little to 11pm Friday night. I am taking the 6 train downtown from 110th street in Spanish Harlem. This is my first Halloween living here in the city and I can not believe how completely wild things are. First of all the subway is completely packed. Like worse-than-rush-hour-body-to-body crammed. At 11 o’clock at night. Also, instead of the usually diverse commuter mix there is only one kind of person on this train- young, costumed and very drunk. All of us girls are wearing next to nothing, dressed as the sexed up versions of nurses, cops and cowgirls. It is truly a carnival car of porn.

The most incredible thing about it is since everyone is disguised as something else we are all now on a truly level playing field which is never the case here in Manhattan. This means everyone is fair game to interact with- something that is the complete opposite of the norm in the land of the subway. Everyone is singing, cheering for no reason, shouting out to each others costumes. It is really a circus. A guy in a giant blowup fat suit tries to get on at 51st street but the car is so jammed he just can’t fit. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t try. Everyone is laughing and then booing as the doors keep closing on his costume then opening back up again, stopping the train from getting going again. He finally deflates his costume and squeezes on.

Also there are a few exhausted-looking investment bankers in not-costume suits that are really just getting out of work at this hour. Sucks for them.