Crack

There is a woman on the E train this morning who is cracked out.

Growing up in the white-collar suburbs we always used to throw around the term " He's on crack!" or " What are you- on crack or something?" But now, being in big bad New York City I really do see real live people actually on crack occasionally. This particular woman this morning has wild wild curly black hair, all messy and crazy. She is muttering to herself.

Her eyes have a dull, glazed over stare as we roll along downtown. It is a stare that I really cannot describe other than "the crack stare."

The Armpit of Midtown

The area around the Port Authority is one of my least favorite parts of the city. It is located close enough to Times Square to still be annoyingly crowded with tourists yet far enough away that it is not bright and exciting-only dirty. In the shadow of the Lincoln Tunnel exists really a soulless place, magnified by the ever-present blanket of exhaust from the continuous stream of buses 24 hours a day.

From the ramp where the 20T deposits me every morning I am treated to a view consisting of a crumbling building that calls itself a Baptist Church and the World of DVD Shop. “Female Peep Show! Male Peep Show!” I didn’t even know that was allowed anymore. It is a glimpse of a bygone era of 1970s Times Square seediness that I have only had the opportunity to read about in magazines.

The air is tinged with the scent of stale donuts and pollution.

Stone-Washed

This morning on the E a man is wearing jeans made of stone-washed khaki denim. Something I have not seen since 1993. To add to insult they are those jeans that are tight and bunchy around the ankles not because they are trendy skinny jeans but just because they are awkward.

Oh how I do wish how beige-colored denim would come back in style! I fully expect to be alone in this opinion.

Embroidery Capital of the World

My first impressions of the bus are not so good. This afternoon for example, the 5:50 express is absolutely packed and miserable. People have to stand. My seat is broken meaning whenever I try to lean back it pushes all the way down into the lap of the person behind me. I have to perch awkwardly forward on the edge of my seat the entire ride. The businessman across the aisle is not-so-discreetly trying to look down my jacket.

You sure can’t beat that view of the twinkling Manhattan skyline as we emerge from the depths of the Lincoln Tunnel though. A sign on the highway overpass reads “Welcome to North New Jersey- the Embroidery Capital of the World ."

Oh Jersey. Ever the optimist.

Observations On The E

So I guess this shall be my first post from the perspective of the E train. I get into the Port Authority around 7:45 after nearly an hour on the bus then ride the E all the way downtown where I get off at the World Trade Center. Or more accurately, the construction pit that was the World Trade center. I then have to cross the pedestrian bridge that goes over Ground Zero and the West Side Highway and into the Financial Center.

This is will be my routine every morning now. The E trains are older and crappier than the 6 train cars. All I can really do to sum it up is say that the E is like the 6's ugly little sister who got stood up every Saturday night in high school.

Even though it would be more approriate now I refuse to rename this blog "Observations on the E". It sounds like some kind of drug that is best reserved for one's early years of college.

Jeresy Girl

Due to some unfortunate circumstances with our apartment lease that can only happen in a place such as Manhattan as well as my own personal economic recession we have upped and moved into Boyfriend's parents house in suburban New Jersey. Yes suburbs. Yes New Jersey. Home of big hair and guady McMansions.

This now means I will be joining the masses of the super commuters who make the long trek out of their sleepy homes before dawn and stuff themselves into NJ Transit buses for the bumpy ride into the Manhattan Port Authority. I will still be taking the NYC subway every day, only now the E train downtown from the bus station and not the 6.

We shall see how this plays out. My commute will now be an hour and half each way. Hopefully this is temporary. But really, what can one do in times such as these?



Now if you will excuse me it's time for my spray tan....

The Gap

At the Union Square station there is a gap between the platform and where the 5 train pulls in. Every morning this is scary to me. Of course it is not a very large gap, maybe about 6-8 inches wide- definitely not large enough for me to realistically fall through. I'm sure if it was remotely possible for even a small child to slip through one would of certainly have by now and there would be many public lawsuits we would all know about.

Irrationally though, this thought still does not calm my obsession with the gap. The sight of the dark wretchedness of the tracks below as I carefully step over always manages to shake my stomach slightly. I'm sure I look awkward as sin as I straddle slowly into the car while never taking my eyes off my feet.

Rain Rain Go Away

Today is a rainy day. A nasty, should-be-snowing-it’s-so-cold, blowing awful rainy day. One phenomenon I have noticed that with unfortunate weather comes umbrella stands outside each subway station. I do not know where they magically appear from.

Sometimes bad weather is clearly in the forecast, giving these mystery peddlers ample time to prepare. But even sudden rainstorms bring out the umbrellas in full force. Do the sellers wait in the nooks and crannies of the city for the first drop of rain? Do these umbrella genies sell other things when it is not raining? What could they possibly be doing that they are able to drop whatever to provide you with rain protection at a cloud’s notice?

Another thing to analyze- how much money can actually be made by selling umbrellas? I am sure if one is lucky/aggressive enough to get a primo tourist spot in Times Square they can make a chunk but what about the ones outside the 69th and Lex station that I emerge from this evening? It is all neighborhood people and chances are they already have an umbrella. Can the occasional absent minder that didn’t look out the window at the weather and left their gear at home really sustain a whole stand?

This is the $3.00 question.

The Slow Descent into Insanity

I can sense the bus driver of the x90 slowly starting to crack. This is the same driver that I have discussed in a previous post several weeks ago who accidentally went the wrong direction and nearly flipped over the whole bus.

Ever since that day he has not been the same. He is now sullen and bleary-eyed nearly every afternoon. He is also silent, whereas he used to engage in robust conversations with whoever was lucky (or unlucky enough) to occupy the front two seats. More alarmingly, he has grown increasingly erratic. The x90 now blows through the tail end of yellow lights, brakes jerkily on the FDR, and sometimes completely misses stops.

I am sure he has a family. Tucked away in some one-bedroom apartment in a remote neighborhood in Queens. He hates what he is doing but has to get by in this city. His job is slowly dragging him down into a bottomless pit, but at least he has a job. Just like the rest of us.

My commute lately has been a pretty even mix of the x90 bus or the 6 train, whichever suits me that day. Maybe I’ll just stick to the 6 now. However, I read in the Daily News the other day that the subway is now at a more heightened terrorist threat for the holidays. Which is a greater risk of causing my demise? Having the x90 driver veer off the FDR into the swollen East River or getting blown up in the subway? Oh the decisions we make.

There is rumor of a possible transit strike in mid-January so maybe I will have neither option…

A Different Commute

Today instead of either taking the x90 bus or the 6 train home I have to go to suburban New Jeresy for mundane reasons not worth going into. This means that I have to take the E train to the Port Authority to catch a NJ Transit bus. To get to the E train from the World Financial center I have to go down Vesey street which is a flat, straight and only for pedestrians. The majority of the rush hour crowd is walking against me, trying to reach the PATH train that runs underneath the building. From my viewpoint I could see the enormousness of hundreds and hundreds of fellow white collar workers as one. A sea of bodies all wearing black overcoats that match their black umbrellas, all with identical looks of determination only the true New York commuter can have.

During my ride on the E train, and in the bustling Port Authority I take note of the sheer volume of people. I do my same commute day in and day out without really thinking about how many hundreds of other different commutes there are into office buildings all across Manhattan. And each of those hundreds of different commutes- whether it be the Port Authority buses to the suburbs, the PATH train from Hoboken, the ferry from Staten Island, the Long Island Rail, etc- there are literally thousands of people doing each of these commutes. It is truly mind boggling.

As I sit in the darkened NJ transit bus I look around me and notice everyone sunken in their seat, exhausted. These are the people who have way worse commutes then mine. Every day in and day out they leave their house with backyard and their children at the depths of dawn, drive to the bus station, and wait for the bus. They get on their crowded buses, maybe have to stand for the hour plus it takes to Port Authority, get on a crappy subway line such as the E to finally take them to their careers. And yet they do it day in and day out. We all do. Every day.

What is it we are all working for? Damned if I have figured it out....

Rules of being a Pedestrian in NYC

After living and commuting here in New York for almost a year I have learned some rules of travel that I would like to pass on to whoever may decide to visit the Big Apple.

1. Never walk two across down any sort of narrow stairway. Ever.

2. Do not walk two across on constricted or very busy sidewalks. An example of “very busy” would be the Financial District during rush hour or Herald Square just about anytime a day. On a regular, moderately crowded sidewalk it is acceptable to walk two across but never ever three or more.

3. ALWAYS look where you are walking. If you do not you will walk into something, someone, be hit by a moving vehicle or possibly a piece of construction debris.

4. If you must stop to look at something, go over to the side of the sidewalk, street, subway station-wherever- just get out of the way. Examples of places not to stop to look at your map, check out the scene or talk to somebody include as follows:

The middle of a sidewalk
Any sort of intersection
The edge of curb when you have the walk signal
The stairs or entrance of the subway (!!!!)
In front of a subway turnstile

5. This last one is a more advanced skill that has taken me almost this whole year to cultivate. There is a certain level of aggressiveness that is expected and appropriate on the subway. However this is a fine line. If one is too passive, you yourself and also the people behind you will never get anywhere. At all. Everyone secretly or not-so-secretly will hate you. However if you are too pushy you will just be that self-absorbed asshole that everyone hates and wishes to be hit by the train. Or at least get caught and dragged (just a little!) in the closing doors.

Controlled Chaos- or Uncontrolled?

This afternoon there are delays everywhere on the subway. No particular disaster or anything, just one of those afternoons. When the train finally comes rolling into to the Wall Street platform the rush to squeeze on is more beastly than usual. Although I say it usually is a tough fit to get in the car (with elbows and minor grunting) USUALLY most people are pretty civilized. This is not the case today. People are freaking out in frustration while they force other commuters with their bodies.

Hey Man can you move in? C’mon just f*cking make room.

You just need to chill out- CHILL OUT we are ALL trying to get on.

Stop pushing me b*tch!!

It is even worse when I transfer over to the 6 at Grand Central. I actually see a woman physically shove another woman across the platform. I have never seen anything like it. Even more outstanding is she just keeps right on walking, doesn’t even turn around to see who her aggressor may be. Although the subway is always crowded during rush hour with cranky and tired people, the air today just has an aggressive edge to it that I have never quite seen come out before.

Thursday is the Best Day

In the mornings now since it is fall again there are unfortunately school children on the subway. I do not believe the subway, actually most of Manhattan is a place for children. That’s just a personal opinion. Anyways, I was eavesdropping on a conversation that a group of young boys were having, chaperoned by one of their nannies.

Thursday is my favorite day.

No hey dawg, Wednesday is MY favorite day.

No WAY. Thursday is best because we have a long gym block.

Well Wednesday we have art AND social studies…

And so it went.

I long to be back in school when some days of the week were actually different than others. Now every day is exactly the same now in terms of bestness and worstness. I suppose Friday is better. But really it is only the end of Friday that makes any difference. No matter what city you live in I am sure you can empathize. Sigh.

VIP and VP(?)

Since I have been taking the bus sometimes in the morning I have been noticing a beautiful brick row house on Sutton Place and 57th street that we always pass. I’ve started to observe that every morning there is a man in suit standing outside the front door. He has a wire and earpiece- a secret service agent. He is always standing next to a black BMW with tinted windows with a government license plate. There is also another car, a giant scary-looking security SUV with a driver waiting inside. WHO is staying there? Who ARE you? Every morning I try to catch a glimpse of this uber special person but so far no luck. Mr. Super Important remains elusive. I must say I get much more excited about government figures and big business heads than I do about trashy celebrities any day.


Also this morning while on the bus I notice a new high-rise being built across the river in Brooklyn. A gigantic sign on the partially constructed building reads “SARAH PALIN LIVE HERE. SEE WALL STREET.” I am not sure what that even means or the significance of it. It is so big I can easily read it from my bus, speeding along the highway all the way across the East River.

Breathing in the Fresh Air of the West Side Highway Exhaust

This morning as I get off the subway and walk across Liberty Plaza I pause for a minute on the top of the stairs, in front of the Brooks Brothers store. The crisp October wind whips my hair all crazy as I look out over the scene from my elevated viewpoint. Since there is a gaping space where the world trade center once stood I can see fragmented pieces of the distant skies over the Hudson, tinged with pink and yellow. A new morning, a new Monday, a new week in New York. The steady pulse of jackhammers drilling away at Ground Zero scream in the foreground.

This isn’t so bad, I think to myself.

Magazine

I notice this afternoon that the three people standing in front of me as I sit on the 5 train are all reading the exact same thing- New York Magazine’s 40^th Anniversary edition. The same magazine I too was reading all last week on the subway and finally finished this morning. I also notice someone else seated across from me reading the identical New York Times Sunday Magazine from two weekends ago that I am currently flipping through now. Everyone likes to say New York is so diverse and we like to think we are such individuals. But really we are all the same.