This morning on the subway I see a mother and baby. I notice the mother right away- she would definitely fit the definition of a “MILF". Young (or at least “young-looking”), long blond hair, and dressed flawlessly- your typical new Manhattan mother. She even had the requisite 3.25 carat engagement ring glittering away on the hand holding her child to her chest.
The reason she stands out is because she has a slightly unusually shaped head and is extremely orange. The head shape is irrelevant in comparison to her alien tan. When I say orange I mean way to orange for New York. In December. Maybe in south Florida would her degree of faux bronze be acceptable. MAYBE. She is radiating, even worse than the typical Staten Island girl shade of tanning booth (no offense to my readers from this very fine borough!)
The issue that is really compelling though is her infant. It too is orange!!!! Just like mom. What- did she take the baby tanning too? Or maybe she passed down her day-glo hue via womb.
I know I have a subway starting problem, I know I do.
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